


It’s called coping

by Kayzo



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Character Study, Drug Use, Fallen Cas, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:55:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26826244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kayzo/pseuds/Kayzo
Summary: Sometimes the drugs make him feel real.
Kudos: 4





	It’s called coping

The drugs couldn’t give it all back. He knew that from the start. But they could give _some_ of it back, and that was so much better than nothing.

The white pills, crushed up into a fine powder, gave him that feeling of being everywhere and nowhere at once. He was here, in the moment, but he was also not there, or years from now, or in that very far off past where no pills were needed and green eyes were soft when they looked upon him.

That thing he popped once, the red pill with the white stripe gave him the colors, all the colors that just human sight had been denying him. He wished Dean had been there then, he wanted to see if he could see the color of his soul, if the pill could really work _that_ magic. But Dean didn’t come, and Cas’s been searching for that specific pill ever since.

Sometimes, when he’s taken some pills and shot up and smoked and had sex–sometimes he’d feel his wings as they used to be, beautiful and swirling. Sometimes he’d feel them as they were—missing except for when they hurt. Sometimes, he’d cry.

**Author's Note:**

> Cleaning out my tumblr tag and putting some stuff on here, hope you enjoy :D


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